Myself and a few of the other lovely Tagged members are also members of another theatre company, Blue Flamingos, and during lockdown we’ve been taking a theme each week and creating songs, images, or anything vaguely creative to keep our feeds running and people hopefully entertained! This last week the theme was Food. The company have loved this theme as no matter how we as individuals have been feeling in lockdown, food has brought us joy in some way or another- whether it’s just simple comfort food and snacks during the countless films and series we’ve enjoyed, or through finding relaxation in baking, cooking pies and trying out exciting recipes we may not have had the time to try otherwise.
How is this relevant to Tagged and what we do? Well, as you will all hopefully know, we in Tagged have always aimed to take taboo subjects and open a conversation about them; body image is a big example of these subjects. We always work to help people unpack the negative opinions they’ve had on their bodies and to stop seeing them as the enemies, with our performance “I Don’t Think You’re Ready” Looking at younger people and trying to nip their issues with their bodies in the bud before it does too much damage on their mental and physical health.
I am in a really good place at the moment with how I feel about my body and what I am eating, even in a time where comments such as “Rolling out of lockdown like;” and “trying so hard not to get fat during this time!” are popping up more and more on my social media timelines. I’d gotten incredibly good at scrolling past posts of this calibre, and ignoring the comments people have for people my size. Most of this confidence has come from our work in tagged, but also from the Body Positivity Instagram accounts I have followed to try and keep my feed positive. One lady in particular that I’ve followed is Megan Jayne Crabbe, or Bodyposipanda as she’s known on instagram. She is trying to end diet culture and help people feel good about the bodies they are in (instead of trying to change them) by bringing to light the actual facts behind diets and their success rate- as well as the effects they actually have physically and mentally on your body. We actually went to see her show as a company a few months ago, and since then a couple of us have read her book; “Body Positive Power”. It’s definitely worth the read, I am recommending it to everyone I know at the moment!
But why is it so important to me? Well if we go back to the summer of 2011, where I was about 13/14 and the weather was gorgeous, we might have a better insight.
Myself and two of my friends decided to go to Barmouth (North West Wales) for the day. We had such a great day; I’d seen and sat near my then crush on the train and we all had a laugh, we went on the fair rides, and we swam in the sea as the sun got too hot to handle. During our time on the beach we decided to take some pictures- I was a little apprehensive at first, but my friends seemed so confident and I wanted to capture our amazing day together so I went with it. We posted the pictures on Facebook and my worst fears came true. In reality, it was just some stupid boys in my year tagging their friends who were just as sad as them, and looking back they were only words. But at the time, it was confirming everything I was feeling about my body, laughing at our pictures and implying what they thought about our bodies just furthered my thoughts. Which was ridiculous, my body is beautiful and has always kept me moving and served me well. It’s put up with me overworking, pushing its limits, harming it, and letting others laugh at it when there was literally no need?
In Body Positive Power, Crabbe, talks about how girls from the age of 8 start to feel the need to diet and change their body, and I was certainly no exception to this figure. The things we see through films and media about larger bodies are bound to put these negative images into our head, but I refuse to keep buying into this idea anymore.
So when Blue Flamingos came up with the idea for a food themed week, the idea of talking about what I've been eating filled me with a little dread but I immediately fought it. When I started my job and we’d been told to bring our own lunch, I panicked a little, but then fought it and brought what I wanted and accepted the cakes that were being made for us at work. When I get dressed in the mornings, sometimes I get negative emotions when I look in the mirror, but I forgive myself and replace the thoughts with kinder words.
Whenever I think badly of myself of the food I eat and the way I look, I think about the book and about all of the young people I work with, all of the children in my family, and know that I never want them to feel this way about themselves and need try give them a good example to look up to.
I’ve also learnt, through Crabbe’s book, to let go of the bitterness I have for those who bullied me; looking at the way that society has held bigger people’s image and the lies that have been fed to us all about being overweight (seriously, read the book) has taught me that most of these people can’t be blamed for feeling the way they have about us, but that hopefully they, like I have, will learn that for one, it’s nobody’s business what I look like and how healthy I am, and two, health doesn’t come in one size.
So this week, in amongst the working long hours on my feet, cycling to and from work and packing my dinners with veggies (not that difficult considering I'm vegetarian!) I’ve also eaten that cake, had those snacks and commented on how good peoples food submissions look and sound.
